Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Welcome to Zombieland

Ten on Tuesday

1. Quick! Zombies are coming!! What do you do?

        I start limbering up, in order to do the cardio. I run to my car, check the backseat, lock the doors, and buckle my seat belt.

2. Whew, that was a close one. …I think your phone is ringing. Oh, it’s your best friend! She thinks she’s been bitten by a zombie. What advice do you give her?

        I ask her where she is and to stay put, I'm coming to get her. Then I drive in the opposite direction.

3. You realize it’s time to leave your current location because it’s clearly not safe anymore. Are you going to move at night or day? Defend your reasoning.

    Wont really matter, as I will dress up like a zombie and they wont be able to tell that I'm not one and so I can walk around and they will leave me alone.

4. During your relocation, you come across a weapon superstore. My, that’s convenient. What kind of weaponry do you choose?

        Flamethrowers and as many guns and ammo I can carry in my car. Of course I will find a purple hummer somewhere with the keys in the ignition and will be driving that so I will have lots and lots of guns with me.

5. As you leave, an old lady on the side of the street begs you to help her. Do you? Why or why not?

        No way! I double tap her! Can't be too safe when it comes to zombies.  Plus, she was old and would have died soon anyway, I just saved her from mad human disease. She's Welcome.

6. Good choice, you’re clearly a good person to have around in a zombie apocalypse. Oh hey, there’s a wifi signal here! You can’t stay long but this is your chance to gather some intel on the current situation. What’s the first website you check?

        I wouldn't trust any site for real information since I think the zombies would plant false information on the web to lure people into a false sense of security and let their guard down, then the zombies attack. Because by this time people like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs and that guy Kathy Griffin dated from Apple, would have been biten and the zombies would have absorbed their smarts and know everything about computers and would create fake websites saying zombies were all gone. So I would probably go to Icanhazcheesburger.com and look at cute pictures of cats, since cats would have mad cat disease and totally not cool.

7. SHH! What was that noise?!

        That was a zombie cat. I throw some cat nip at it and run away

8. I think it’s time to get out of here. I hope you have a plan. Where are you going now?

        I'm going to the store to get some food and sunscreen then I'm heading to an island, where that hasn't been discovered yet so no chance of zombies or people.

9. Wait a minute, that looks like a bite mark on your arm… You may be infected too! Will you tell other people?

        Nobody to tell. I'm all alone. And I had bitten myself in my sleep so it's all good.

10. How does this story end?

        I make it safely to the gulf of Mexico, where I commandeer a boat and set sail to an island. Where I lay on the beach and drink rum all day.