Feeling Me

So the last time I participated in Mental Health Monday, I talked about my anxiety.

This past week I haven’t taken my medicine, mainly because I forgot. I had renewed my prescription, but it never made it to the bathroom, so I didn’t remember to take it while getting ready for work.

I haven’t had any anxiety problems in a long time so I didn’t think not taking it would matter. Then I started feeling weird about Thursday. I was waking up feeling exhausted. Saturday, all I wanted to do was sleep. I went to the gym on Thursday, but didn’t really do much. I started on a machine and after a couple of minutes didn’t want to do it. So I went to another machine, after a couple of minutes, was sick of it. So I decided to do weights, did a couple exercises in that and didn’t feel like continuing. So I decided to get on a stationary bike and read while waiting for Yoga. After a couple of minutes was sick of that and decided to go home instead.

My fiancé made a comment that I deemed depressed. I didn’t feel depressed just tired. Though, it did prevent me from doing things I like to do, like working out and yoga. So I took my medicine and looked up withdrawal symptoms online, and sure enough they matched. After resting for a little bit, I started to feel better and like myself again.

I’m terrified of becoming addicted to anything. In college I was on Lexapro for a while then my friend psyched me out about becoming addicted to it I stopped taking it.  These withdrawal symptoms scare me, I don’t want to have to be on medication forever. I will talk to my doctor about it at my next appointment.

It’s like my professor once said, “I wouldn’t want to be addicted to something I have to have first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed.” Now, he was talking about cigarettes, but that’s how I feel about anything. I never want to be dependent on a substance. Anytime I think I might be, I cut myself off from it.

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Inspirational Thursday

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There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.  -Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.
Michael Caine

End each day with thoughts of peace. Begin each day with thoughts of peace. Continue thinking thoughts of peace throughout your precious day and happiness will be yours.

After a stressful drive to the gym for yoga, I decided I needed to calm down and be peaceful on the way to yoga. so I slowed down and not let the other driver’s bother me. I tried listening to slow music to help calm me. Then a song came on that made me smile. I realized then that calmness doesn’t just come from slow and quiet, it just being happy and enjoying the moment.

Mental Health Monday

I found this great blog hop hosted by WordsinSync, Mental Health Monday.

For as long as I can remember, I have had some degree of anxiety. When I was real young, about elementary school age, I would have a hard time sleeping because of it. When I would lay in bed at night, if I thought of an item and wonder where it was, I could not fall asleep until I had gotten out of bed and physically touched that item.

Middle school and high school the anxiety never really bothered me. Then in college, I was in the marching band. Everyday we had practice I would pack everything I needed and head out the door. Several times during the day while walking between classes I would have to stop to check I had everything.

In the work force, I have this slight anxiety that I have to do everything correctly the first time. But last year I had the worst anxiety ever. My neighbor is a selfish jerk, and would be super loud everyday having sex. After listening to this for a couple of months, my anxiety got really bad. Everywhere I went, if I heard the slightest creak, I would tense up, expecting it to be them. I also couldn’t fall asleep at night, expecting to hear them any second. One night I texted my friend, how badly I wanted to fall asleep but was scared to.

I had several anxiety attacks during work. It was so hard to breathe and just felt like I was going to cry. Focusing on something at work, and getting my mind off of it helped a little. The first medication the doctor put me on made this attacks more frequent. I suffered on that medication for about a month, then she had the brilliant idea to put me on medication with more anxiety fighter. Researching the first med, one of the side effects was anxiety.

I’ve gone to the doctor and gotten medication now that seems to be helping. It helps that the neighbors are being fairly quiet which probably helps the most. I’ve been trying to go to the gym regularly and doing yoga.

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